My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
