There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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