idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
