just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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