just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
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