"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
