I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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