Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
