he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
