she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
