I love black thongs
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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