Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
