just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
