You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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