i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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