can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
