Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize