How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
