Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
