census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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