I want to make a zoo with you.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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