I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
