Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Did I show you my penis last night?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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