There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I will be naked everywhere
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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