I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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