Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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