Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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