Jerry, you need to find god
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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