Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
