Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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