dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
