Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
