he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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