hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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