Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I wish there were birth control emojis
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
