I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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