So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.