Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(304): View more from West Virginia

What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.

(1-304): View more from West Virginia

That wasn't intended for you, my bad.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.

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(518): View more from New York

and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis

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(925): View more from California

I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(317): View more from Indiana

why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?

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(575): View more from New Mexico

I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.

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(916): View more from California

My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.

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(727): View more from Florida

So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.

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(736): View more from

I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.

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