I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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