Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??

(805): View more from California

He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.

(814): View more from Pennsylvania

You should probably go find him.

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(805): NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be?? (805): He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is. (814): You should probably go find him. http://tfl.nu/673m

Replies (11) Good night (3112) Bad night (992)
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(913): View more from Kansas

I love sluts.

(402): View more from Nebraska

I end my prayers with that every single night.

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(913): I love sluts. (402): I end my prayers with that every single night. http://tfl.nu/8il0

Replies (8) Good night (3845) Bad night (731)
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(310): View more from California

Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."

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(310): Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz." http://tfl.nu/9mw5

Replies (6) Good night (3600) Bad night (969)
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(630): View more from Illinois

The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..

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(630): The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning.. http://tfl.nu/4rfg

Replies (16) Good night (4840) Bad night (1097)
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(541): View more from Oregon

I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people

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(541): I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people http://tfl.nu/4uzt

Replies (16) Good night (3510) Bad night (876)
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(778): View more from British Columbia

so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..

(250): View more from British Columbia

i'll start checking the bushes on campus.

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(778): so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually.. (250): i'll start checking the bushes on campus. http://tfl.nu/j3zu

Replies (34) Good night (5623) Bad night (1488)
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(407): View more from Florida

I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.

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(407): I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin. http://tfl.nu/d7w8

Replies (7) Good night (4038) Bad night (1170)
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(813): View more from Florida

well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked

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(813): well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked http://tfl.nu/vpbr

Replies (23) Good night (4180) Bad night (1705)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..

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(610): He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him.. http://tfl.nu/ejw3

Replies (10) Good night (1463) Bad night (3648)
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(253): View more from Washington

Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out

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(253): Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out http://tfl.nu/bygf

Replies (4) Good night (6599) Bad night (1021)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"

(612): View more from Minnesota

Drunk you is pretty stunner.

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(651): Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me" (612): Drunk you is pretty stunner. http://tfl.nu/hyj5

Replies (9) Good night (4282) Bad night (948)
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(407): View more from Florida

Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.

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(407): Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost. http://tfl.nu/odd1

Replies (8) Good night (1770) Bad night (718)
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(646): View more from New York

I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.

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(646): I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly. http://tfl.nu/khhz

Replies (11) Good night (2232) Bad night (738)
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(516): View more from New York

Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god

(1-516): View more from New York

You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!

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(516): Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god (1-516): You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!! http://tfl.nu/q7xb

Replies (4) Good night (808) Bad night (317)
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(740): View more from Ohio

mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.

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(740): mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot. http://tfl.nu/qbz3

Replies (0) Good night (715) Bad night (274)

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