Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
