the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just puked most of my soul out..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
