i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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