I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
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I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
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You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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