I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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