i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
