he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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