i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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