Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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