omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
