I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
