I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
