i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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