She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You were trust falling into bushes
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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