why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
