Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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