i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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