tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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