If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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