May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I see more hoeing in ur future
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