I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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