how hairy? two words: wookie tits
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
