i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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