Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize