oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
