i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
