omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
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