I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
