I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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