And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Is Oprah even human
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
