i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
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The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
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I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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