Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
